so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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