I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
