Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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