i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
