This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
