Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize