i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
