im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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