I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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