what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
