Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Randomize
