I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize