Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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