why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
