Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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