like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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