it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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