you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
