return my video game
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i think my cat just said my name.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
