Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
