dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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