I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
