I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
