Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
