can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
