there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
