who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
