so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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