I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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