hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
