I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
