The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
