So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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