thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
