Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
