hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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