how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
