I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
