quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
