maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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