Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
