There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
