he shaved USA in his pubs
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
