so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
