I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize