mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
