hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
