it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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