dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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