there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
