just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
