I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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