I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
