oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
