after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
