i just sent this text using only my big toe
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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