you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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