I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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