I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize