Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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