I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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