I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize