maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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