she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
