let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
