so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
