Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
White coat. Heels.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
