I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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